Oct30th 2010
Dear Journal,
It was very interesting to get many distinctions and results from the last ITP. They are so intrinsic that its very difficult to explain all in words. There is however ONE situation that I’d like to share with you, that hit me, and one of the main takeaways from ITP for me.
I’ve been learning swimming (since age 5) and swimming laps for many years. For the past year or so, I’ve not swam in deep pools. Now here we were practising swimming for a race – as a TEAM.
OK, I’ll work on my stamina. Then, I get the hang of it. Now its about the lap. Subang Holiday Villa Olympic size pool, the real lap begins.. half way in the pool at its deepest, a strong fear comes over me. I was completely SHOCKED at myself – REACTING. This is the same pool, that a few years back, I got ALL EXCITED and THRILLED to swim in the deepest, and a sense of Achievement and Accomplishment will swamp me, that I can SWIM, at a point where I can’t even touch the floor… NOW, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT FEELING?
All I had was a very scared, fearful and almost panicky me, totally afraid that I can’t cross the deep end. My head went : “my leg’s gonna get cramps, waters getting into my goggles, and the lap looks soooo long, its still so far, BLAH BLAH BLAH. ….
And a strong voice in me called out: You’ve done it before, damn it.. you used to ENJOY it. What happened to you?
STOOOOP! I recollected myself, focused on the now, taking every stroke, recalling the fun, and the feeling of accomplishment (that I used to feel), moved forward, ONE stroke at a time. I further anchored the thought that I must do this for my team, I can’t let down my team, as this IS something I know and have done. I also envisioned my dreams for the world, at the end of the pool, pulling myself forward to complete. I had fear, I had doubt, but I kept going, and finished the lap. And did the best I could for the moment in the race to.
And I did Again, Again AND Again…To complete this experience. One week since end of ITP, I just finished 4 laps this morning, with a lot more confidence, a lot more FUN, a high level of satisfaction and assurance in myself, that I’m back in the GAME.
Moving forward, I have decided to have free-style swimming as an area to master, so I can swim across, in laps. Since I only use breast-strokes to swim laps, and I KNOW that free-style swimming will get me across faster. So it is about mastering the technical excellence in these areas, to move me forward with greater speed, have fun, and enjoy a greater sense of achievement.
My Lesson from this experience
It reinforced what Kerry shared in my ITP class, about the situations in my life.
How my lag in (lack of) practise can take away my power, make me forget the enjoyments I used to have. Furthermore, fear and doubt is created in my own capabilities,(which I used to celebrate), and stumps me from moving forward.
It is important for me to keep practising, correct (without invalidation of myself and others) and demonstrate results, again, again and again. This ensures that I stay in the game, despite any set-backs, and stay in peak performance and high self-esteem/self-worth, moving forward with conviction and clarity in my vision, creating MORE Positive Results in my life, creating a Joyful Cycles of WIN-s!
Time for Celebration Now… HOORAY!
REFLECTION ON THE ITP RACE
Re-living the moments Team5! See how steady we look as a team..(Ban chung, kitti, wan) in this photo. So focused in completing and winning, despite the commotions around.. love ya guys!
– Azeeza